


Wakeful Nights and Heavy Hearts

by orphan_account



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Karin is a space mom, Shepard is Spaced
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 03:34:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9951869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Set after the Collector attack of the Normandy SR-1.Karin Chakwas still serves in the Alliance (pre-Cerberus enlistment), but is heavy with the loss of her dear Commander Shepard.





	

**Author's Note:**

> My contribution to Mass Effect NPC Week on Tumblr.

On rare occasion, Karin Chakwas wakes up in the silent hours of the night, panicked and breathless from the images that invade her sleep. Little droplets of shining sweat plaster her forehead, and look like shimmering lilac stars against the purple light that pours into her quarters. A hazy, amethyst glow is cast over everything within the room, it causes the cold, bullet-grey walls to appear in a much more pleasing fashion. The room is quite bare in its small entirety – there is a bed, a sink, some metal Chester draws and a couple of seats by the window. The interstellar view makes the room seem a lot larger than it is in reality. It’s enough for Karin. It’s not the room that she had on the Normandy SR-1 before the Collector attack, the older Alliance ship that she now serves on is larger yet somehow far more cramped, but it is enough. She pushes herself up, sits against the back of the bed and looks outside. The Horse Head Nebula; thousands of bright lights lacing the sky in magnificent patterns, it’s incredibly beautiful. To think that her Grandmother never got to explore this wondrous sight. It saddens her somewhat; Grandmother Chakwas was always fascinated with the stars, forever dreaming of exploring beyond the blue horizon of Earth. Perhaps she is now out there somewhere, her soul among the stardust of the galaxy. Space. It’s endless possibilities never fail to calm Karins emotions, but the nightmarish visions that haunted her sleep only minutes ago, they still ring vivid in her mind.

Bad dreams don’t plague Karin often, but it happens from time to time. Serving as a medical doctor on Alliance ships all these years – it’s rarely easy. Most of the injuries she treats are only minor shot wounds, burns, broken bones, sprains and strains. Still, all the death she has seen – it’s always at the back of her mind, reminding her to prevent loss where possible. So, Karin keeps at it. She has a place in the Alliance; where she is truly needed, where she has friends and a home. Shepard always said that she was the backbone of the Normandy, especially when she was required to fix injured them. _Yes_. she belongs on the Normandy, even if she isn’t there now. The Alliance is her spouse and its soldiers her children. None more so than Commander Shepard.

 _Shepard_. The image of her being consumed by the darkness of space after the collector attack flickers before her eyes – it’s an image she has witnessed in her dreams all too often since Shepard’s gruesome death. Karin remembers being in the escape pod, watching in horror through the tiny window as it transpired. She recalls, with painful clarity, Shepard's body flying away from the blast that comes from Normandy as it shatters, seeing her arms stretching behind her, clawing at the detached tubes on the rear of her helmet, the air escaping from them with impossible speed, her body spinning and spinning and flailing about, hearing Shepard's panicked, strangled breaths crackling through the comm of the pod. _Oh god_. Those haunting cries.

 _No. Not again_.

 

She looks around her to see other members of the crew staring with wide eyes and shock. Some sit slumped with their heads hung solemnly, but still shaking violently with all the turbulence of the pod hurtling through space.

“ _No, no_.” A small voice begins, it comes from the opposite end of the pod, and escalates rapidly “ _She is not going to die. She is not going to die!_ ”

The horrified exclamations come from Liara, who shakes her head, refusing to believe the ordeal. Her shouts diffuse as quickly as they intensified though, and instead she sobs inaudibly. Karin wishes to support her, it is her duty, but she is unable to exit her own seat due to the safety harness across her shoulders. She also finds it difficult to utter any words of comfort, suspecting she is likewise in a state of shock herself. This is not like her. When in work mode, Karin is always able stay focused and in control. _But Shepard_. She tries to think about something else but finds herself incapable, because all that can be heard through the comm is Shepard's ever fainting gasps for air. Karins eyes shift to others opposite her, sitting rigid, tensed, heads pressed against their seats and their eyes closed. All either stifle their muffled cries or whisper silent prayers for their Commander, holding tight onto their harnesses. All except one; Ensign Walker covers his ears instead, trying to keep Shepard's rasping from his mind. Karin doesn’t blame him, she doesn’t want to hear this either, it’s something she will remember for the rest of her days. But she can’t not listen. If these are Shepard's last moments, and they are, she doesn’t want the closest thing she has to a daughter to be alone. And so, she stays hushed and listens.

Shepard’s breaths get shorter, uneven. Soon, all other noises fade away and Karin hears nothing; not the piercing alarm, the whimpers of those surrounding her, or even her own gentle sobs. Only the sound of winded echoes reverberates through the pod.

_What is she thinking of, out there all alone?_

Karin would like to believe Shepard's last thoughts are comforting ones of her dear partner, Liara. The poor girl has now closed her eyes, and her knuckles are pale and trembling as she holds to her harness with all her might – Karin suspects it is not out of fear of being dislodged from her seat, but an attempt to contain surging emotions. Small pools collect below each of Liara’s eyes, before they overflow and form tiny, moist trails falling down her ocean-coloured cheeks. _Oh, Liara my dear_. They both know Shepard’s thoughts are not soothing, they are of nothing but blind panic. Karin longs to take Liara’s hand, to comfort her. _Damn these harnesses!_ Ensign Tesley, who sits next to the archaeologist, does so instead. The manoeuvre is awkward due to their movement being restricted, but Tesley consoles the Asari regardless, and both the women mourn for their lost Commander. It was so unfair. Shepard did not survive Elysium, the Geth attacks, Saren, for _this_. This was so _wrong_. Karin vaguely feels her cheeks becoming damp, but she refuses to wipe the tears away. Not until she hears a final, laboured wheeze over the comm. The noise ricochets through the cramped pod. It was over in one terrible, swift moment. Karin will never forget that last breath.


End file.
